You're Perfect For Your Job

Yaaaay! Puppets!

Those days come when you don't think you can stand one more kid with an excuse why he should have more than a half an hour on the computer ("I'm just waitin' for the program at 6." "It's ten of, kid - go find a good seat.").  You look down the road and see two one-man puppet shows coming at you like a semi full of rubber chickens and you're the 'possum with her paw caught on some gum in the middle of the road.  Your idea of a whole month of storytimes centered around music and dance suddenly looms larger and more teeter-y than a pile of all the discarded encyclopedia sets in the country.  And your simile circuits have jumped the shark.

The idea of a Dr. Seuss storytime using the huge compilation book (instead of the individual stories, which are checked out, of course) that cost so much that it was made a non-circulating tome doesn't seem as clever as it did before you picked it up and held it all the way through The Cat In the Hat and Green Eggs and Ham (2 times) and you're doing it again tomorrow.  The flannelboard of One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish got out of control and storytime seemed to have fallen short of the 30 minute mark. 

Later, just when you wonder how much longer you can do this job, a mom says, "I want a job like you have.  I've watched you for years and this job was just made for you.  I want a job that's perfect for me like that."

That's when you remember that this job is perfect for you.  Your liberal arts education (five foreign languages, only two of them dead, none fluent but at least the Spanish comes in handy now), years spent doing theatre, love of puppets and toys, arts and crafts background, not to mention years of watching Warner Brothers cartoons, have all prepared you to know a little bit about a lot of stuff, to love stories, and enjoy thinking up things to entertain kids.  If this isn't the most perfect job for me, I don't know what is.  I've done lots of other things: factory work, secretarial, paralegal, data entry - blah-blah, and while most of that has paid better, this has been the best fit.  It only remains for me to turn the concept around.

It's not just that this job is perfect for me, but I am perfect for this job.  There is no one else like me.  Others might be just as good at storytimes or crafts activities or redirecting children instead of just yelling at them (note to self: work on that one) - but when it comes to the whole package, with the shelving and 18 years experience of Dewey Decimal, ease with Webtimewaster 2.0, small office machine repair and maintenance ("Marf! Show me again how the laminate goes in the machine!") - No one can beat me.  I pwn this job. I am in your non-fiction section reading your shelves.  Don't mess with me.  I am perfect for this job.

Gosh, now I need a nap.  Only ten more years to retirement.  Sigh.

Don't Try This At Home

Raccoon puppet as planned

For Valentine's Day I used The kissing hand by Audrey Penn and looked for a take-home craft to go with it.  "Oh, cutting out a few pieces for some kids - how hard can that be?" I thought to myself.  I love cutting things out.  Gah!  Monday's group canceled which meant I only had my Tuesday group (not realizing that it was the larger one) and Wednesday's individual walk-ins.  I traced and cut out over 500 pieces (although my husband helped with some while waiting for his car to be serviced).  I sent 26 off on Tuesday and hoped I had enough for Wednesday.  I did - phew!  But Monday (and part of Tuesday) was a frantic cutting session, even tripling up the paper, collating all the pieces, putting them in baggies, and inserting them in the paper bags. 

But, you know, it was worth it to see the cute little raccoon puppets come out - eyes crossed, hearts put any-old-where!  The walk-ins had the option to take them home or use the glue sticks I'd put out.  One little boy wanted to take his home, but his mom said they didn't have any glue at home.  As an inveterate and unrepentant craftie, I can't imagine a house without glue!  We might be out of epoxy, E-3000, crazy glue, fabric-tac, white glue, glue stick, gorilla glue, wood glue, glue pen, etc. - but no glue?  No glue at all?  How do they fix things? 

Anyway, here are some pattern pieces, but plan ahead (unlike me) and have your volunteers cut them out.

Pattern pieces for the Kissing Hand/Raccoon puppet.

Backwards Day

Always check your books.  You may have read this book to children a hundred times, but there's bound to be something thrown in your path to make you stumble.
Milo's Hat Trick by Jon Agee was a favorite of mine for my storytimes about hats and when I looked it up to see if it was in, our branch's copy was no longer.  We had gone through a weeding jihad over the holidays and I guess that book had gotten a bit tatty.  I wish I'd known - I'd have asked to have it discarded to me to use in storytime.
Luckily, another branch had a copy and I put it on hold.  It arrived in time and I assembled all my materials: hats, flannelboard pieces, hand-out poem.

The first storytime was on January 31st, a day we were supposed to wear something backwards because it was National Backwards Day or something.  I put my name tag on backwards - something I might maintain as a habit.  The children filed in and sat on the dragon rug

Dragon rug apparently no longer available from Highsmith.

and I was scurrying around because I'd forgotten the cd with the Chicken Dance on it.  I toyed with the idea of starting with it (I usually finish with it) because it was Backwards Day after all, but decided to stick to the routine.  There's a reason I don't get them all worked up and then expect them to sit back down again and listen to a story.
After the opening song (If You're Happy And You Know It), I picked up Milo's Hat Trick and did my "The Author Writes the Book" song and opened the book.  Oh, look!  There's a dedication to Audrey!  I don't think that's the one that works here, ha ha ha.  And I tell them that if they write or illustrate a book they can put a dedication in the front to thank their mom or dad or teacher ... or that nice lady at the library who read them stories.  Then I had to turn out the neck of my shirt to show my name tag because I had it on backwards.
I turn the page and start reading.  At the fifth page I can see that it has skipped to the end!  I panic!  Has someone torn out all the pages?  I check and there don't seem to be any cut edges, but I can see more pages than there should be after the fifth page.
The pages were bound out of order!  I had to flip back and forth to keep the correct sequence.  Then I told them it was perfect for Backwards Day!
Today I sat down and stuck tiny post-it notes with numbers on them so I can tell the story in order today without getting lost and looking like a total idiot.
A word to the terminally lazy, like me: Always read the book before storytime, no matter how many times you've used it.

Leverage

I've been agonizing over the homeschooler programs for 2012 this past week.  January and February fell into place on their own, but March and April are a struggle.  My first idea was the robotic hand made from corrugated cardboard, rubber bands, straws, string, and several rolls of tape.  The age range makes these programs difficult.  Whole families show up and I have to have something or things that will provide interest to K through 12.  Gah!

My next project idea was from a book on levers, because, well, robotic hands are levers, right?  The project is absolutely charming.  A bird flies away as a cat jumps out at it.  It took hours to color the scenery, not to mention work out the mechanics.  The instructions only pertained to assembly of the scenery, which is complicated enough.  The instructions for the mechanical innards amounted to, "You read the book - figure it out yourself."  Now, I only have these kids for an hour, even if I cut all the levers out and hole-punch them for them, coloring and assembly would take too long.

But it so cute! ...

Birdie sits on the ground until ...

... cat leaps out of the bush.

I went back to the book and found the wooden example of the pecking chickens that provided the pattern for the innards and decided that would be simple enough.  So this will be the project:

Pecking chickens

This one was made with enlarged clip art glued to card stock and cut pieces of card stock with those great brass fasteners.  As you can see, there was a bit of trial and error involved.  Some scrap corrugated cardboard will be involved in the actual project, pre-cut.  More fiddly work of coloring, cutting out the chickens, gluing them to card stock should fill up the hour.

Very Colorful!

<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4555477-the-color-of-earth" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px"><img alt="The Color of Earth (Color Trilogy, #1)" border="0" src="http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1312054129m/4555477.jpg" /></a><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4555477-the-color-of-earth">The Color of Earth</a> by <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1224011.Kim_Dong_Hwa">Kim Dong Hwa</a><br/>
My rating: <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/202384322">3 of 5 stars</a><br /><br />
This is a charming coming-of-age story set in Korea.  I am now really annoyed that the next two books in the trilogy are checked out! Grr!  <br/>Ehwa is a young girl filled with curiosity, which her mother, a widowed tavern keeper, gently teases her about.  This first book covers Ehwa's discovery of the many facets of love and sex - from the point of view of a child and then one verging into womanhood.  She interacts with children her own age and overhears adult conversations, which she doesn't understand.  Her adventures are funny and touching in their realism.  <br/>Korean customs and expressions are explained in footnotes.  I never knew shoes were so expressive!
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 The html code doesn't seem to be working here anymore, so I guess I'll stop duplicating my reviews to this blog.

There's No Place Like ...

Okay, I won't go there.  I'm sure it's been done to death.

<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/11277216-the-iliad" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px"><img alt="The Iliad" border="0" src="http://www.goodreads.com/images/nocover-111x148.jpg" /></a><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/11277216-the-iliad">The Iliad</a> by <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7778.Richmond_Lattimore">Richmond Lattimore</a><br/>
My rating: <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/198841342">5 of 5 stars</a><br /><br />
No matter how many times I read this, I still find something new. This time I marveled at the similes.  Many of the similes in the battle scenes dealt predictably with lions and wolves, but there were others that evoked daily life (the widow measuring her wool) or inanimate forces of nature (rocks falling like snow).  The most striking thing about them is that they aren't all that brief (like my examples), but can go on for a while, longer than you would expect in a narrative. They'd be full-blown metaphors if they'd not been prefaced with "as" or the like. <br/>I discussed this online with a group and found that very satisfying. <br/>This translation just happened to be one I have, but I see that it's recommended by many (including Dr. Vandiver who does the Homeric Great Courses lectures) for being translated line by line (so you can make comparisons to the Greek) and for preserving the archaic flavor and the poetic "formulas."  Dang, I just thought it was a great story!<br/>Amusing note: on the back of my copy, Robert Fitzgerald is quoted as saying no one need ever produce another verse translation of the Iliad ... but I guess he changed his mind 25 years later. Heh!
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Crouching Reader, Hidden Head-Desk

Crouching Vampire, Hidden Fang by Katie MacAlister

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


I was ensnared into reading this by the amusing title. The plot is about as complicated as the film whose title it parodies, except there are fewer entanglements.  There are some attempts to be amusing, but mostly this is your alleged standard women's wish fulfillment romance with a plump, needy heroine who just happens to be able to summon deadly amounts of light.
These supermythophagilisticexpialidocious stories are starting to get on my nerves.  You have to absorb too much cant to follow the plot.  What the hell's a zorya?  A llargi?  A lich?  I don't even know how to pronounce this stuff, much less keep track of the spelling.  Half the time I suspect they make this stuff up.  Oh, wait, of course they do.  Sorry. 

Pia (uffda, that name!) continues her saga of being torn between her "job" as some kind of light spirit helping some mysterious Brotherhood and her new supernatural linking to the vampire-cum-Fabio-impersonator, Kristoff - the Italian guy with the German name (I've been to Northern Italy - I know it happens).  In a previous book they "hooked up" as the kids say and now he doesn't call.  Is she too fat?  Was it something she said?  She got his soul back (some way - I dunno - it was in the previous book) and now he's supposed to be permanently linked to her.  What's wrong?  She spends the whole book not believing his answers even after they become linked telepathically.  Oh, man!  I mean, oh, WOMAN!  You've got cool supernormal powers!  Either he puts out and adores you or you roast him, right?  Half of this book is spent with him being diminutive-for-a-housecat-whipped into admissions of adulation.  [I'd never do that, right, Bob?  BOB?!]

And then the plot comes to a complete halt for the over-the-top sex.  I have to admit I skipped over those bits because after reading the first ones I decided that they are less arousing than head-desking.  Once you've superlatived someone to the point of explosion, what is left to life?  More plot, please.  Let me amend that: more comprehensible plot, please.
But it was okay.  As mindless, harmless (I hope - this doesn't cause dissatisfaction with life because it sets up unattainable scenarios ... does it?) entertainment, it does the job. 



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Someone Call Mark Teague!

How Do Dinosaurs Use the Library?

How do dinosaurs use the library?

Do they come in boisterous, angry, or wary?

Do they stomp their way to circulation

Demanding or starting an altercation?

Do they visit the children’s room with their child

Then proceed to ignore it and let it run wild?

Do dinosaurs print off some stupid chain letter

Then leave without paying, though they ought to know better?

If a dinosaur has an overdue book

Does she sneak in and hide it in some remote nook

Then a couple days later does she harry the clerks,

Insisting they look harder and calling them jerks?

Do they think any of this works?

No, dinosaurs wouldn’t behave in that way.

They finish a book and return it next day.

They cheerfully own up that they owe a fine

And pay it all up without even a whine.

If they make a copy, they pay for it quickly.

They don’t come in sneezing and coughing and sickly.

Before coming in each dinosaur gave

Their child a brief talk on how to behave.

They write to their congressmen.  They lobby for funds.

They bring the staff cookies (well, maybe just once)!

When they’re good to us, we just want to do more.

Thank you, thank you, Dinosaur!

Greek Letters Don't Scan Well

Light From the Ancient East Or The New Testament Illustrated by Recently Discovered Texts of the Graeco Roman World by Adolph Deissmann
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Deissmann has done what I consider to be typically German research (involving the painstaking collection of material from disparate sources and comparing minute detail - all of which can probably be done these days in seconds with computers) and made it interesting.  He studied the use of common Greek used at the time of the writing of the Gospels as it appears in papyri, stone inscriptions, or ostraca to evaluate whether the Gospels contain neologisms or if there were some prior usage of phrases and vocabulary.  Being that sort of person myself (German extraction - I think I can make fun of us Squareheads - and the sort who combs the Iliad for each killing, lists it, then sorts the information by verb usage and weapon used), I found that fascinating.  It wore thin when he ended with descriptions of what he felt would be a necessary project to create a lexicon and some flowery stuff about religion.  Note where my interest flagged.
This Gutenberg Project edition (read on the Kindle) was an unfortunate mass of intriguing gobbledygook that I was tempted to correct (being almost able to read the German footnotes), but it has none of the Greek available in an intelligible form.  Not that my Koine Greek is anything worth speaking of (I've only had 7 weeks of Ancient Greek and some unofficial study), so I would not really be able to make the comparisons even if Greek characters had been available.  It would not be useful for the serious student.
I am sorely tempted to find out how you can correct these Gutenberg files.  It would be incredibly tedious, time-consuming, and unrewarding financially - which means it's right up my alley.


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Requiem for a Humanist

The Clue Bible: The Fully Authorised History of  "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue", from Footlights to Mornington Crescent by Jem Roberts
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

A thorough, if repetitive, study of the history of the antidote to panel games, this read is full of familiar gags.  It takes a similar format to From fringe to flying circus: Celebrating a unique generation of comedy, 1960-1980 and covers much the same people as it starts with the college shows and works its way through ISIRTA and beyond.
If you are looking for sexy photos of Samantha, forget it.  She's apparently not giving out - photos, anyway.
It was all very amusing until I came to the death of Humph at the end and I cried at that and at the description of the funeral, where they played the recording of him playing "We'll Meet Again."  Oh, gosh!
This is all the more touching because Tim, Graeme, and Bill brought me and my husband together.  Okay, maybe it was Alison Bean, but we've already thanked her.


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The Wrong Way to Woo

The Power of Persuasion by Shelagh Watkins

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


I'm not a huge fan of Jane Austen, in fact, I think the zombies improved Pride and Prejudice or, if not the zombies themselves, the kicking of Darcy into the fireplace, which was so richly deserved.  Consequently, Beth Durban's disdain for F. William D'Arcy, the overweening critic at the newspaper, seems to me equally richly deserved.

The style of writing in this novel of modern manners reminds me of some of Alexander McCall Smith's Edinburgh stories, with meandering digressions and flashbacks giving a snapshot of Beth's travels and past.  Her wanderings take her to places I know as well as to exotic locations: Chichester and Singapore, Boston and New Zealand.  Her life is so full, it's not surprising that romance was not her focus.

I did sort of wonder if it was paranoia that kept D'Arcy popping up.  Was it all in her head?  Is there anyone named D'Arcy in the real world?  And, if there is some man saddled with the name D'Arcy, can't he be forgiven for hating Jane Austen?



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Reminds Me of an Old Boyfriend ...

The Knife Man: Blood, Body Snatching, and the Birth of Modern Surgery by Wendy Moore

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


This was an interesting book, if a bit dry and lacking in illustration.  Hunter's controversy-bedecked life is an interesting one.  He was both admirably correct and terribly wrong on many counts, but relied on his own observations and testing and not on prevailing opinion.  His minute studies of anatomy (thanks to wholesale body-snatching and a ruinous collecting of animals) led him to the conclusion that life on earth evolves.  His study of fossils eroded away any idea that one forty day flood was responsible for the amount of life contained within.  His written work on this idea of the development of life was never published because a fellow scientist suggested he amend "thousands of centuries" to "thousands of years" because it might incite the rabble in those revolutionary times. 

His conservative methods were rejected by other surgeons, he died in debt, his brother-in-law published Hunter's work as his own and then burned the papers, but his legacy lived on through his museum and his students. 

He was not a pleasant man, but he was driven to understand and to share his knowledge, even if what he knew tomorrow was different from what he knew yesterday.  He was not so hidebound that he could not correct even his own conclusions.  A lesson for all of us.

Note: my copy had a different cover. I wish I'd had one with his portrait, so minutely described by the author but conspicuous by its absence in the book.



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A Series of Impossible Events

Ape House by Sara Gruen

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


This book was so disturbing that I just skimmed it.  I have a problem with the innocent and helpless being put in jeopardy, even in fiction.  I know this is just my problem; I'm dealing with it, okay? 
The premises behind this book are so horrific to me as to be impossible to believe: firstly, that someone who wants to air a reality animal show would pretend to be an animal rights terrorist group, create a front page story of explosives and mayhem to effect the transfer of bonobos from a research facility to this ridiculously public display ... as if no one would notice?  Or that a man would conspire with this group, leading to the disfigurement of his fiancee, let her fish and plants die while she was in hospital, and still want to get back together with her although he's obviously a horndog who would screw anyone.  Why would that person care one whit for her? 
All my complaints aside and despite the speed read that glossed over quite a bit, it was an exciting read.  Somehow, however, I just knew Amanda would go through an apotheosis that turned her into a clean freak.  The mother's finding of the sex toys and zippy-bagging them was ... humorous.  I find it hard to believe that a writer in California would be subjected to the same pressures as an actor, but it is California after all.  If it was meant to be humorously satirical, it just wasn't funny enough.




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Plump and Juicy Mystery

Too Big to Miss by Sue Ann Jaffarian

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


Disclaimer: I'm fat, middle-aged, and a former paralegal.
I devoured this in one day.  Most of the ickier bits (the death is a gritty one that's revisited through retrieved screen captures) I skimmed over.  Jaffarian has created some interesting characters, many of them plus-sized which is nice to see.  The mystery was a good one and there is a spot of romance, where Jaffarian falls into the fatal blunder of making the sex "the best [Odelia] ever had."  Writing like that makes me want to bang my head on the desk.  Every now and then I run into an author who has the ovaries to write that the sex was "pretty good ... and worth repeating to see if it got better."  If it's the best, chances are it will only go downhill, you know.  Real life says that sometimes it's really, really good and sometimes it's adequate and sometimes it knocks off socks you weren't even aware you had on. 
Odelia's cherished friend and mentor in the plus-sized world has committed suicide.  She did it on an internet camera, making it fairly obvious what happened ... or did it?  Odelia has her suspicions but the police have called it suicide.  Then Odelia discovers that her friend had many secrets in her life, each more shocking than the next! No! You don't say!  Ahem.  Was one of them the incredibly handsome but poisonous man who came to the funeral?  Or the little man who attacked him, blaming him for the death? 



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Whatta Croc!

Sample clip art for 5 hungry crocodiles

I've got a mess o' crocodile stories coming up for a storytime I'm doing next week as a special program for a Rotary Club Family Lunch, and I thought I'd share a few of my treasures.
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I got the flannelboard poem of "Five Hungry Crocodiles" from Story Place.  I found the black fish in MSPublisher and right-clicked on it, selected Format Picture, then the "Recolor ..." button and I was able to make five fishies in different colors to print off, laminate, and either glue scrap felt or sticks or whatever you choose to the back.

You could use that or "Five Little Monkeys" - where they tease Mr. Crocodile.
Five little monkeys sitting in a tree,
Teasing Mr. Crocodile, "You can't catch me!"
Along came Mr. Crocodile, quiet as could be and SNAP!

Four little monkeys ... etc.

Eileen Christelow has a book version where they don't get eaten, but, I mean, what's the point of that?!

If you want a nicer ending, try Crocodile and Hen, a Bakongo folktale retold by Joan M. Lexau.  There are two versions of this - different illustrators.  One is an easy reader.  Crocodile learns how he and hen are brother and sister, so he can't eat her, however fat and delicious-looking she might be.  I do this one with puppets.

I also do the Monkey and Crocodile story with puppets and foam balls as mangoes. Monkey is fairly fainting with desire for the mangoes he sees ripening on an island in the middle of the river, but he must get past Crocodile.  After convincing Crocodile to take him across in exchange for his monkey heart (the best and most delicious part of a monkey) which he claims to keep in the mango tree, Monkey throws a hard, unripe mango down to Crocodile, who chokes on it.  For older children, I go on to the part where Monkey has now run out of mangoes and faces starvation if he can't get back.  He persuades Crocodile that he's ready to be eaten for being such a baaaaad monkey, but to swallow him whole because he's afraid of being chewed up (or that whole drown-and-tuck-under-a-log-in-the-water-to-soften-up-for-snacking-later for the zoology-obsessed children).  Claiming he's going to run and jump in the crocodile's mouth, he has Crocodile open his mouth so wide he can no longer see, and then jumps on his back, using him as a springboard to the mainland.  Oh, he's a baaaaad monkey!  Crocodile overacts a bit on the choking, but he's such an emo, ya know?

There are a couple of fun crocodile songs, both of which I plan to use.  One is the familiar Crocodile Song with the hand gestures and the other I found on YouTube billed as The Most Annoying Song Ever (which intrigued me immediately).  It's from a German tv show, but English translations are available.

I'm finishing up with making a Schnipp-Schnapp-Schnappi the little crocodile puppet.

Schnipp-Schnapp-Schnappi, Schnappi Schnappi Schnapp!

Teensy Rant

I'd like to talk about decimals.  I'll start with the "Our children's room non-fiction collection is so small that I don't see the point of going out three spaces, much less four."  I understand that there is a jobber who does all this work for us so we don't need the MLIS's cataloging in-house and that company apparently can't discriminate between juvenile and adult collections (maybe without charging more), but still ...

Next up: Y'all, decimals are just like money.
Which is worth more: $90 or $97?
Let's put some numbers in front.
Which is worth more:
$56,790 or $56,797?
$567.90 or $567.97?
Okay, take that zero away.   [Occasionally the jobber puts the zeros in, but they're supposed to leave it out.]
Which is more: 567.9 or 567.97?
What if money were broken into even smaller pieces?  Let's look at this. 
Which is worth more: $900 or $912?
How about 567,900 or 567,912?
Which is more: 567.9 or 567.912?
Here are some trickier ones.
What's worth more: $970.40 or $970.04?
How about 970.4, 970.04, and 970.004?
Or 970.1, 970.004, 970.4?
That was easy, wasn't it?  So, tomorrow when I go to shelve some books, I don't want to see 398.209 coming after 398.24 or smack in the middle of the 398.2s.  Ithankyew.

Next week: The Alphabet.

Hold the Mayo

A Red Herring Without Mustard by Alan Bradley
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Audio-version.
Perhaps this was annoying because the child-like voice with the excruciatingly plummy accent of the reader grated on me.  It's a tone of voice very popular in theatre because the nasality is very penetrating and projects really well.  Nine cd's of it is very wearing.
On to the story - Why do I expect things in mysteries to make sense?  What sort of infant baptism holds a fragile child by the ankle and dunks them like Achilles?  Why would a murderer hang a body from a statue when leaving it where it was would hide it longer while hanging it would expose the murderer to a bigger chance of being discovered?  Kill, hang the body, leaving the weapon in place?  Oh yes, yes, people under stress do strange things.  Usually, they just run away though, or wipe their fingerprints.
And if Flavia only wears dresses, she must give the villagers a lovely view when she rides Gladys with her feet on the handlebars.
I was surprised by the amount of blood that came from a non-fatal head wound.  Not that I'm a forensics expert or anything, but ... who would have thought the old woman had so much blood in her?
The first book in this series annoyed me by having poison ivy in an English garden.  I keep asking Brits about that and get no clear answer.  I suppose it's far-fetched enough having an 11 year old genius-chemist.
The family conflict is getting old.  You know, I only had one older sister who did things like tie me to chairs so I wouldn't bug her when her friends came over, but even I think this family is out of control.  And the father needs a good smack up-side his head and a torch put to his stupid stamp collection.
What is my problem?
I really appreciated the addition of Porcelain (not sure of spelling because this was the audio) when she behaved with good sense, cutting off exploration of a dark place or fetching help when the plot called for it.  But how old is she?  She has no parents, so where does she live ... besides "London"?
Next time I will read the book (I will keep reading them) because the turn of phrase is good.


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Manage the KIDS?

In all the years I've been doing storytimes, I haven't had nearly the amount of trouble with kids that I've had with the adults that come into storytime with them.  This doesn't mean I don't want them in there, just that I wish they would use some common sense.
Problem #1: Cell phones.  They forget to turn their cell phones off. The cell phone rings during storytime and the adult steps over the children on the way out, talking all the way.  Solution: Start each storytime with the Cell Phone Song:
    I went to the storytime with my mom,
    But she left
    Her cell phone on.
    The cell phone rang
    And she took the call.
    Now we're not allowed back in at all.*
And have the kids pretend to take out their cell phones, turn them off, and put them back in their pockets while glaring meaningfully at the adults.

I also have a sign that used to be posted on the wall (but now that we're in a new library, we can't put anything up until it gets all grungy and lived-in again).  The idea was that if the cell phone rang, the tiger would come out and eat the phone ... and anyone holding it.

These aren't the exact signs - but you get the idea.

Problem #2: Adults talking during storytime, daycare providers/teachers doing their work, or texting.  Rather than shame authority figures in front of their charges, I have a sign I hold up that has the "No cell phones" on one side and the "Please model good listening." on the other.  I may need to flash both.  I do mostly pre-school storytimes, so they can't read and the adults get the message.  If they don't get the message, some day, some day, I may just resort to public shaming.

The best storytime experiences I have had were with groups that had adults who participated.

* This song has more verses that involve restaurants and airlines and gets progressively vitriolic.  I hate cell phones.  Even though I own one, I rarely turn it on. Be in the moment, people!

The Slippery Slope

Not Just a Witch by Eva Ibbotson

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


Ibbotson writes in the simple declarative sentences of someone telling a bedtime tale ... and then guides the reader gently by the hand into horror.  Because it's a children's book, all has to turn out for the best.  In the meantime, the most unimaginable cruelties can take place. 
There are two witches who were best friends in witching school but had a falling out and went their separate ways.  Because they are "good" witches, they try to do good.  This seems to consist of finding very bad people and either turning them into interesting animals (that are now "nice" so they must be cared for) or to stone. 
If you are a child, this might make sense, and two out of the three children who get involved are happy to help.  The third child, a very very smart Asian girl, is reluctant, but she loses her reservations when a white supremacist comes to town.  Ah, how easily we respond to fear! 
We can also be gulled by love, which steers the witches blindly into cruelty on a mass scale. 
If the actions in this book seem horrifying, they are told in a fairytale style, softening them and making them seem palatable until the little snowball runs out of control and the avalanche ensues.  This is a cautionary tale.  It's about right and wrong.  And Ibbotson has very clear ideas what constitutes right and wrong.



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Fully Rounded Pig

Death in the Truffle Wood by Pierre Magnan

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


First of all, I'm appalled by the cover.  How do I know this takes place in France?  Perhaps by the man in the horizontally striped boating shirt and the red beret?  Where's his baguette?
Alyre has a prized Trüffelschwein who indicates clues everywhere but is ignored.  Alyre is proud of his beautiful but unfaithful wife but, as he apparently loves the pig more, he doesn't let it bother him much.  He is more upset when someone throws a stone and injures the pig. 
Hippies who come to his town tend to disappear, so Laviolette is sent to look into the matter semi-unofficially.  He prefers to stay at small boarding houses and hang in the background observing.  The local police cooperate with him.  He investigates.  Magnan manages to make it all come off sort of quirky.  Maybe it's the pig.  Maybe it's the very nearly humorous grotesqueness.  It stoops to the "get everyone in the room and make calculated insinuations to see who blinks" wheeze then builds to a climactic if ridiculous chase scene.  And it has a nicely cynical coda.  All in all, it was worth reading.



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