Go to Bed, Mrs. Merz!

This is Just to Say: Poems of Apology and Forgiveness by Joyce Sidman

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
I'm using this for a poetry/poultry workshop for kids this summer. This book is sooo good. This is a book of apology poems as written by 6th graders based on the William Carlos Williams poem of the same title. I mean, kids know all about apologies, right? They're made to apologize all the time whether they mean it or not.

The poems are funny, touching, and then are followed up by responses by the putative recipients of the apologies.

(Like this one:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I'm still really

pissed off at you.)



I have to admit that I was a sopping, snotty mess by the end of a 48 page book. Things are eaten, pets are put to sleep (boo hoo hoo hooooo!), parents walk out, hamsters bite the hand that feeds them - and there's a little morsel of brilliance in each one of these. But wait, there's more! One last joke in the name of the teacher ... Mrs. Merz. Fans of Vivian Vance salute you!


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If You Have Lemons ...

The Lemonade War by Jacqueline Davies

My review

rating: 3 of 5 stars
Evan can't do math, his younger sister (the math wiz) can't do emotions. Evan's angry because Jessie will be in his fourth grade class and will probably show him up. Instead of them doing a lemonade stand together, they set up competing stands. The capitalism is sandwiched between bouts of drama and junior angst. The children learn valuable family dynamics lessons at the end, except for Scott, who really needs to be in Juvenile Detention.
There's more story to this one than in Gary Paulsen's Lawn Boy. and it's slightly less of a fairy tale. Yes, forgiveness is achieved (what, between siblings? you must be kidding!), but it isn't all totally working out. Evan learns hard lessons about permits and sanitation. Lawn Boy only runs up against a Hostile Takeover, which is handled when he fortunately acquired a prize fighter. I like this book better because it was more realistic, keeping in mind that it is a kid's book.


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The Color of Lawns

Lawn Boy by Gary Paulsen

My review

rating: 2 of 5 stars
If only it were this easy. A 12 year old boy's scatty grandmother gives him an old riding lawnmower and he ends up with 15 employees, a broker, and an Enforcer (in the form of a prize-fighter he sponsors). I hope any kid who reads this also has been aware of the current state of the financial markets.
This is a short, light read about being a capitalist.


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Stop the Handwringing Already! Wherein I Show That I Am Smarter Than Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

My review

rating: 2 of 5 stars
This was a Kindle read.
It was only the zombies that got me to pick this up (that is, the absence of them in this version). I wanted to see what the original material was. At first it was interesting to read and compare, but I think I lost interest as Elizabeth's respect for Mr. Darcy grew. By the end I was almost vomiting. Actual violence was a nice counterpoint to the barbed speech, sorta augmenting the idea of the the sentiment behind the speech. Elizabeth's rejection of Mr. Darcy's offer of marriage is the equivalent of throwing him against the fireplace. It made it easier for me to see the parallel in the original novel. Once Elizabeth realizes that Mr. Darcy is "worthy" of her affections and that she's really blown it and goes all icky about it, I lost interest. You've screwed that up? Move on, babe. Stop the hand-wringing already. Or at least don't make me read about it.

It all wraps up too tidily in the end as well. Her slutty sister did not merely make a mistake out of love, but she's a real piece of work who will never learn her lesson and will feel entitled to mooch off her relations forever. Someone needs to experience some Tough Love. Not the "put her out in the snow to fend on her own" sort, but the "show me you can manage the money you've got before I throw any more down the drain" kind.




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No. 1 Series

The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
A re-read. This was originally published almost 20 years ago, so I have an excuse for having forgotten all the cases. I was utterly surprised by all the solutions. Love the little homages to Agatha Christie (Mma Christie - hahaha!), which must be where Mma Ramotswe got her idea to become a detective to begin with. McCall Smith writes with tenderness as well as humor and with great love for Africa, which he tries to project on Mma Ramotswe.

I can really appreciate the way the author slows us down to the African pace of life, to a slow and respectful speech. I really worried when I heard they were making a television series out of it, but a co-worker showed me some of the footage on the internet and tears rose in my eyes as I realized that they have probably done a really good job of it.


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Augh! The Toes! The Tooooes!

Fearless Fourteen by Janet Evanovich

My review

rating: 2 of 5 stars
Stephanie is still dithering between Ranger and Morelli, as always. She claims to want to be the perfect housewife, which is what Morelli wants (well, he just wants her to stop getting involved in dangerous stuff) and even though she's not that good at it, she persists in the bounty-hunting. She wants to be a Sadie, and Ranger has ruled that out, so she just works for him occasionally. I did notice that sleeping with him has not spoiled her taste for anyone else, so that was a mistake. Again with the sexual tension. Is not Evanovich married?! Doesn't she know that it still goes on?

Anyway, the book contains the usual loony characters: Grandma, Stoner Mooner, with the addition of possible Morelli-spawn teenager "Zook." The book introduces what may be a recurring nemesis in the "press" - aging cosmetic-surgery addict and failing pop star, "Brenda" (think of an unstable Dolly Parton). While her complicated personal life just drags on, dead people show up, fortune-hunters try digging up Joe's lawn, and a minimum amount of property damage (for one of these books) occurs.

However, just when you think Evanovich is going to go hard-boiled on you, she pulls the punch. I finished this late at night, so I may have missed something, but [spoiler:] Where did the toes come from?! Actual damage to important characters used to happen (poor Lula!). Explain the tooooooes!


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This Review Is Longer Than the Book

Death of a Charming Man by M.C. Beaton

My review

rating: 2 of 5 stars
No village in the Highlands is too isolated or too full of fat, old ratbags that it won't pull a handsome, well-educated Londoner in to purchase a dilapidated croft and then get himself murdered.

Sexual tension is a great dramatic device, but can it go too far? After 9 of these, Beaton finally gets Priscilla and Hamish together, only to undo it all in this book.
They make a good investigating team, mostly because Priscilla doesn't have to play the stupid Watson for Hamish to explain it all to. She's smart and she's full of moxie. She goes right to people who are threatening her man and makes them back down. But she still thinks she should make him into something other than what he is. She should keep her dainty mitts off of him ... and his cook stove.
And that cheap, trashy Sophy comes along trying to bust a move on Hamish, who isn't stupid himself. He knows what she's doing and will put up with it. But will she put up with being left by the side of the road? She's not meant for him either, but at least Beaton should give Hamish a leg-over. Poor guy.
Could there really be a block of flats called “Winnie Mandela Court” that would be full of skinheads, or is this some of the famous Scottish humor? Revenge on skinheads?
Are there any in-jokes I’m missing because I’m from the wrong side of the pond?
Oh right, the "mystery." Do we really care? We're not reading them for that are we?
It isn’t much of a mystery whether Peter is dead if the title of the book is Death of a Charming Man, is it? There are alternative titles, because he's not the only one who dies. But they're all titled "Death of ..." and he's the prime fly in the Drim ointment. It's all his fault that the village goes to pieces. He's someone who needed to be killed. Whoop! Hope I didn't give too much away.
I like this series so much better than the Agatha Raisin one.





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I'll be facilitatin' a discussion on this in Second Life at the Bookstacks in Awen, Monday, May 18, if anyone is interested. We'll see if anyone shows up. It's at 11am SLT (aka:PST). The general theme is Cozy Mysteries and next month I'm planning to read and discuss (if only with myself, which is typical because I'm the most interesting person I know) Alexander McCall Smith's No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, the first book in that series. I'd have done the first book in the Hamish Macbeth series, but copies are hard to come by and expensive (even the paperbacks!) when you do, so in keeping with the Scottish theme, I went for cheap and chose a more recent title that should still be in libraries and already in paperback.

The Library Computer User's Pledge

Today I was going through some files at my desk looking for some "thingies" - you know, those - those things. You put them in binders and ... oh, nevermind. There was a file on computer miscellany and in it I found this "poem" I wrote as long as 10 years ago when we still had the Gates computers with internet in the Children's Room. Yeah. Think about it. We had to police fifth graders on the MTV site, adults from looking at what was literally a photo of a sucking chest wound (in the children's room! And looking at me completely mystified when I said, "Think of where you are!"), and kids endlessly clicking the print button. That was what really got to me, the endless clicking.

The Library Computer User's Pledge

I do promise
On my honor
That I will not
Be a speed mouse clicker.
I will point
And click one time.
Then I will wait
For the computer
To do its thing.
Only then
Will I click again.
Double-clicking
Is only for icons.
And I know enough
About computers
To know what an icon is.
I know so much,
In fact,
That I will never
Bother Miss Marf
Or Miss Nicole
Or Miss Abby
by saying:
"This won't work!"
I promise.

Here are some notes I made on children using computers from Jane M. Healy's Failure to Connect:

The learning gained (on the computer) will never replace that gained by caring for a pet or playing outdoors. (Warren Buckleitner, p 51)
Simple parent-child activities such as hobbies, games, and reading together have a solid research track record for improving academic skills. Using computers for these activities is both more expensive and less effective.
The key to positive use of any medium is the quality of the adult-child interaction. (p 73)
A youngster who spends a lot of early learning time on a computer is being programmed to prefer that type of presentation to reading a book, engaging in a discussion, or hearing a lecture about the same topic.(p 143)
Starting children on computers too early is far worse than starting them too late.
Don't let screen time substitute for lap time and don't expect books on CD-ROM to substitute for interactive reading with loving adults. (p 239)
And .. children below age 7 should not have unsupervised computer time. (p 250, italics mine, but could prolly use some boldface as well)

I might make a sign out of that last one.

All that said, I would like to add that a kid also needs time to be a kid without the adult interaction. It's up to y'all to balance that on your own. Me, I'd give 'em more play alone time as they age. They'll probably tell you when they want you to start butting out.

And I Don't Even LIKE Zombies!

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem! by Jane Austen

My review

rating: 3 of 5 stars
This has improved Jane Austen beyond all knowing! Just before you get bogged down in the manners, zombies attack or they debate the relative qualities of Shaolin Chinese vs. Japanese martial arts. Of course, every now and then it steps over the line into being silly (taking the bite out of the heart of an enemy, for example - I mean, you're fighting zombies! You shouldn't be stooping to their level!).

I think one of the best things about the book are the discussion questions. Bwah-hahahahaaaa!

This was read on the Kindle2 - the last few chapters read by the computer generated voice that pronounced "Lady" as "laddie," "lame" as "lamé," and mangled other words beyond recognition.


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Now Serving the Twitterverse

Hey, y'all! The Sumter County Library is now on Twitter! Woo-hoooooooo!